Let’s talk about the lie we tell ourselves when we’re stressed:
“If I just think about this problem for another three hours, I’ll finally solve it.”
We replay past conversations like we’re a director trying to edit a bad movie, or we project into the future, convinced that worrying is just “proactive preparation.” We convince ourselves that this mental gymnastics is useful.
Spoiler alert: It’s not. It’s a maze. And the deeper you run into it, the harder it is to find the exit.
The Source: Thoughts are Weather, Not the Sky
In her book Just a Thought, Dr. Amy Johnson introduces a liberating paradigm shift about how our brains actually function.
As human beings, we are evolutionary marvels wired for survival. Your thinking mind isn’t trying to torture you when it loops on a mistake you made in a meeting last Tuesday; it’s simply trying to keep you safe.
The problem is that your brain doesn’t know the difference between a physical predator and a difficult client email. It treats both as existential threats, flooding your system with thoughts designed to “fix” the danger.
The Reframe: The Suggestion Box
Here is the twist: Rumination isn’t a sign that you are broken; it’s a sign that your survival brain is working perfectly. The loop of worry is just an emotional signal. It’s your brain saying, “Hey, I care about this outcome, and I feel unsafe right now.” But just because your mind hands you a thought doesn’t mean you have to buy into it. Your brain is a suggestion box, not a dictator. Thoughts are not solid objects; they are transient energy. They only become a maze when we grab onto them, unpack our bags, and decide to live there.
Nothing external can lift you out of that maze. No new strategy, no extra data, and no amount of reassurance. The exit is entirely internal: it’s realizing that a thought is just a thought, and you have the power to let it pass.
Leadership Application: Stop Time-Traveling
In leadership, staying stuck in the maze is a quiet productivity killer. When we ruminate, we aren’t leading; we are time-traveling.
- We are either in the past, trying to manage a reality that has already occurred.
- Or we are in the future, trying to control a reality that doesn’t exist yet.
When you are trapped in the past or the future, you are completely unavailable to the people you are leading in the present.
Letting go of the thought loop and returning to the room takes practice. It feels counter-intuitive because your brain tells you that dropping the worry means you’re being irresponsible. But true human-centric leadership requires the discipline to say, “Thank you, mind, for trying to protect me. But I am choosing to be right here, right now.”
A Practical Takeaway
The Leader’s Mantra: “It’s just a thought. It doesn’t need a meeting.”
The tl;dr: You cannot stop your brain from producing thoughts any more than you can stop the sky from producing clouds. But you can stop mistaking the clouds for the sky. Drop the debate with your own mind and anchor back into the present moment.
The Coaching Prompt
Ask yourself, or your team, during your next 1-on-1, these four questions to break the cycle of rumination:
- What is the actual data here, and what is just the “survival story” my mind is spinning about it?
- Am I actually preparing for the future right now, or am I just using worry to feel like I’m doing something?
- If I chose not to believe this specific thought today, what action would I take right now?
- What does my team need from me in this exact moment that I am currently missing?
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