Anger is one of those emotions we’re taught to see as bad, unproductive, or destructive. We learn to calm down, to let it go, to avoid it.
But what if that instinctive rejection of anger is actually making us less effective as leaders, as coaches, and as human beings?
This is where the work of Phil Stutz, the psychiatrist and author, gives us a powerful reframe.
Stutz is known for his long career in therapy (he began working as a psychiatrist in New York and later in Los Angeles) and for co-authoring books like The Tools and Coming Alive. More recently, his short essays were collected in Lessons for Living: What Only Adversity Can Teach You, a book full of reflections on real human challenges, including one titled The Positive Side of Anger.
Anger as a Signal, Not a Problem
Stutz doesn’t dismiss anger. He doesn’t see it as a flaw in character or something to be sublimated or ignored. Instead, he treats anger as information: a powerful emotional signal that something important is being violated.
When we feel angry, Stutz suggests, it is because something deeply matters to us. It’s a boundary signal, a marker that a value has been crossed or a personal standard has been ignored.
The trouble doesn’t come from the anger itself, but from how we respond to it:
- If we suppress anger, it often turns inward as depression, apathy, cynicism, or self-criticism.
- If we explode with it without reflection, it becomes blame and conflict.
- If we instead own the anger and clarify what it is protecting, it becomes energy for change.
Stutz’s approach here is subtle but powerful: anger is not the problem, mismanaging it is.
Why Anger Is Useful
There are three important truths about anger that come through in Stutz’s writing:
- Anger pinpoints what matters most.
It’s not noise. It’s a directional signal that something significant for your identity or values is at stake. - Anger holds energy.
Rather than draining us, when we own anger and interpret it accurately, it becomes fuel for clarity, resolve and action. - Anger is a stepping stone, not a destination.
The aim is not to indulge anger, but to use it to uncover what needs to change and then move toward that change with intention.
In this sense, anger cleans the lens through which we see a problem. It helps us see beyond surface discomfort to structural issues like unmet expectations, crossed boundaries, or values under threat.
How This Applies to Leadership and Work
In organizational life, anger often shows up:
- when leaders are exhausted by repeated blocks,
- when teams feel undervalued,
- when stakeholders ignore boundaries,
- or when performance feels misaligned with values.
Too often, leaders either minimize anger or react to it without reflection. The result? Resentment, turnover, disengagement, burnout.
Stutz’s perspective gives leaders a different path: Use anger as a compass.
Ask:
- What boundary is being crossed?
- What value is being violated?
- What concrete action would protect that value?
This shifts anger from a reactive emotion to a source of agency.
The Broader Stutz Framework: Adversity as Growth
Stutz’s book isn’t just about anger. Lessons for Living is structured as a series of essays on universal human challenges: envy, insecurity, bad habits, conflict, and yes, anger. What unifies them is a deep conviction that adversity is not a sign of failure but a teacher.
Rather than trying to avoid pain or conflict, Stutz invites us to face these experiences with curiosity.
A Practical Takeaway
Here’s a simple reframing you can use immediately — for yourself, or with a client:
Anger is not the enemy. Anger is the part of you that still knows what matters and refuses to give up.
That’s not a dismissal of discomfort. It’s an invitation to listen to what’s being said beneath the emotion.
In Practice: A Short Coaching Prompt
When someone says “I’m angry”:
- Pause and validate “Anger tells us something matters here.”
- Ask the deeper question “What boundary feels crossed?” or “What value is being defended?”
- Solicit concrete action “What is the smallest next step that honors that value?”
- Move toward ownership “What part of this is in your control right now?”
This turns anger from a stumbling block into a stepping stone.